Spitzer's Laws of Neonatology

Spitzer's Laws have been handed down to us from the very dawn of Neonatology, or perhaps one should say from the meconium-stained birth of our fine specialty. In those days, men were men, women were women, giants walked the earth, computers were the size of moving vans, and neonatology fellows were on call every other night but still found time for basic research on prostaglandins in fetal sheep. The subtler interpretations and corollaries of these laws have been lost in the mists of time, but they still contain useful kernels of truth for the post-modern pediatric house officer.

1. The more stable a baby appears to be, the more likely he will "crump" that day.

2. The distance that you have to go for a transport is directly proportional to the degree of illness of the baby.

3. The incidence of transport calls is inversely proportional to the number of available beds.

4. The nicer the parents, the sicker the baby.

5. The incidence of neonatal problems increases dramatically if either parent is a physician or a nurse.

6. Endotracheal tubes are designed to fall out (or become plugged, etc.) at the most critical moment.

7. The milder the RDS, the sooner the infant will find himself on 100% oxygen and maximal ventilatory support.

8. The likelihood of BDP is directly proportional to the number of physicians involved in the care of the baby.

9. The longer a patient is discussed on rounds, the more certain it is that no one has the faintest idea what's going on or what to do.

10. The patient who is glossed over quickly on rounds is the most likely to crump that day.

11. The sickest infant in the nursery can always be discerned by the fact that he is being cared for by the newest, most inexperienced nursing orientee.

12. The surest way to have an infant linger interminably is to inform the parents that death is imminent.

13. The more miraculous the "save," the more likely that you'll be sued for something totally inconsequential.

14. The probability of infection is directly proportional to the number of antibiotics that the infant is already receiving.

15. If it ain't CHD, it's PFC (or vice versa).

16. If they're not breathin', they may be seizin'.

17. Lasix (Vitamin L) will squeeze urine out of bricks. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work as well in babies.

18. Antibiotics should always be continued for --- days (fill in the blank with any number from 1 to 21).

19. If you can't figure out what's going on with a baby, call the surgeons. They won't figure it out either, but they'll sure as hell do something about it.

20. The month you are on service always has three times as many days as any other month on the calendar.

I remember reading these during my student days...I can tell you one thing though.......They are all TRUE !!!!!!!!!

Also dont forget Murphy's Laws and the various versions

Original:

Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way

Murphy's Law for nurses

Realizing the patient you've just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle.

As soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come in, and take a look at the wound.

Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids.

The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station.

The doctor with the worst handwriting and most original use of the English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient.

As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered

Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn't doing well.

......

Great statements! All true!

Reminds me about the book classic House of God. The advice from "Fat man" when a patient (adult) goes into asystole: "first procedure - take your own pulse"

Here are some more

http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~sstm/lawslife.htm